slarya (slarya) wrote,


Author: Slarya
Pairing: Kyuhyuk
Genre/Rating: Angst/Romance, PG-13
Words: 3,801

Summary: Kyuhyun thought this was the most stupid thing he had ever done in his life...
A/N: Finally it's here part four!...thanks to all who wait patiently for my slow...very slow updates <33

The sobs finally stopped and Donghae succumbed to a new state of sadness. He was sitting on Eunhyuk’s bed with arms around knees and his body rocking back and forth like a mantra.

The dancer was standing by the desk with his eyes fixed on the younger male. Donghae’s eyes were looking at nothing; they seemed empty and without that special sparkle that was so characteristic of him.

Eunhyuk didn’t know what to do; he had brought his friend to his dorm and room because it was the only place where they could have some privacy without any of the other members prying in. Now however, he wasn’t sure if it had been such a good idea seeing how Donghae kept mourning and silenced despite his attempts to make him speak.

This situation was escalating to new higher level of drama and Eunhyuk was sure he didn’t want to take any part in it. When he first heard Donghae’s confession there were many thoughts running through his mind, the most dangerous of all was the one where he imagined himself opening the game and finally being honest with his best friend.

However, after watching the other cry his heart out and trusting him with his feelings and pain they were causing there was no way he could tell anything of the sort. He knew he had to keep quiet about it and worse, he knew he couldn’t let Kyuhyun know either. That would be breaking the trust Donghae had deposited on him and he wouldn’t do that.

“I always wanted to marry and have kids…I love kids.” Donghae muttered, his voice sounded horse and deeper than usual. “This is the first time I imagine living without children and…I actually wouldn’t mind if it meant I could spend the rest of my life by his side.”

“You would be a great dad.” Eunhyuk forced himself to say with a bitter taste crawling into his mouth…he wanted to throw up.

“Yeah, I would…Hyukjae am I disgusting?” The dancer was caught by surprise with the sudden question.

“Don’t be stupid Hae.”

“Come on Hyuk…I’m a guy and I’m attracted to another guy…from our group. What will the others think? What would he think if he knew?” The singer was again silently crying, hands rubbing his eyes and leaving them red and swallowed. Why was God testing them like this? Eunhyuk sighed, his hands brushed through his hair pulling it back with a little more strength than needed. His scalp hurt after it but he unconsciously thought he kind of deserve it.

“Hae no one will think you’re disgusting and if that happens I’ll beat them to a pulp,” Walking closer to his friend he sat at the edge of the bed with one arm around Donghae’s shoulders. “You’re very brave for talking out loud about it; I wish I was more like you.”

“Why? Hyukkie are you…I mean do you like someone?” Donghae whispered the last words carefully studying the dancer’s reaction. “Another guy?”

“No!” He cried out loud and flushed at the outburst. “I mean, I don’t like anyone but…I’ve had a relationship with another guy once.”

“Junsu?” Eunhyuk slightly pushed away from Donghae feeling suddenly trapped, his emotions were boiling in his blood…he needed to end this conversation. “Don’t be mad…it’s just that you guys were always together when we were trainees and he always had this look when looking at you…like you were the only person in the room.”

Had it been always like that? Was that how they had looked back in the days to the other people around them? Eunhyuk had been convinced for many years that Junsu was the one for him, his soulmate…his other half.

It had been a blow to the ego and to his heart when he realized their love couldn’t resist time and distance. It had been even worse when he understood that their official break-up felt more like relief than sorrow…it took him some time to understand he loved Junsu as a brother and that there was nothing wrong with admitting it.   

“I was young back then it’s not the same thing now, not for me and also not for him.” He admitted eyes cast over the green carpet on the floor. “It’s a little cold; I’ll make us some tea to help us sleep.”

Before Donghae could move or say anything he quickly left the bedroom, closing the door softly on his way out. There was a heavy weight on his chest, a massive gravitational force pulling him down, sinking him deeper and deeper and it seemed like he couldn’t do anything to resist it. Moving to the silent kitchen he turned the lights on and started to search for a kettle to put water in.

What would his next move be? He knew he couldn’t tell Kyuhyun about the recent developments that would be breaking many rules and vows of friendship and trust; he also knew he couldn’t possibly explain the situation to Donghae. It would seem like betrayal from his part. So the question remained what now? He was so lost...

“Hey,” Eunhyuk jumped, one hand moving over his heart as he looked behind and saw Kyuhyun at the door. His boyfriend had changed clothes to his black pajama, now looking warmer and comfortable. “Sorry, didn’t mean to scare you.”

“It’s ok.” The dancer quickly turned his back; hands gathered the kettle and filled it with water. He turned the energy on and mentally cursed when he noticed he could do nothing more than wait for the crystalline liquid to boil. He tapped his fingers over the counter nervously, impatiently.

“What’s wrong? Are you ok?” Of course Kyuhyun would notice his mood; the dancer realized a little too late that the maknae's voice was a lot closer than previously.

“I’m fine,” Came as reply and there was anger in his voice. For few seconds he breathed in and out to calm himself. The singer had no fault in all this but it was just so frustrating for him to be here speaking to Kyuhyun and knowing Donghae was crying inside his room because of the same person. “I’m just tired and I wanna go sleep, that’s all.” He hoped this would put an end to their small talk but obviously Kyuhyun wouldn’t make life easy for him.

Arms surrounded Eunhyuk’s waist and his body was pulled against a soft chest. Kyuhyun dropped his chin over his shoulder and nuzzled it like a small kitten looking for comfort and protection. For some time Eunhyuk was lost and aloud the singer to do as he pleased, content in receiving small butterfly kisses below his right ear.

It was only when his lover bit at his neck that he realized what he was doing…worse what if Donghae came in and found them like this? Without thinking about the weirdness of his actions he harshly pushed Kyuhyun away and moved to the other side of the kitchen, pretending to look for mugs.

“What the hell Hyukjae?” He risked glancing at the other and it was a mistake. Kyuhyun was glaring at him confused and annoyed. His left hand was brushing his stomach where Eunhyuk had pushed him.

“I’m sorry.”

“What’s going on? Is something bothering you…have I done something?”

“No! Of course not…it’s just…” Kyuhyun was intensively staring at him and trying to figure out what was going on; he couldn’t lie while those eyes were fixed on him instead he pretended there was something interesting on the floor. “It would leave a mark.”

“What are you talking about?”

“You were biting it, it would leave a mark.”

“So what?” Kyuhyun suddenly asked and there was resentment in is voice. “I think it’s about time we tell the others about us, I’m tired of pretending you’re just like any other member. Hyukjae,” He crossed the distance that separated them and reached for his hyung.” I love you and you love me too, we shouldn’t hide this from the others…they’re our family, they’ll understand.”

“We can’t tell them! Not yet,” Eunhyuk added when his boyfriend was about to protest. “Let’s just concentrate on the promotions for the new album and after we’re done I’ll tell them.”

“But Hyukjae-”

“Please Kyuhyun, just trust me on this, ok?”

It was hard to lie to someone he loved, someone who didn’t deserve this from him but for now it seemed the best he could do for them both and for Donghae.

Lips brushed against lips and a pair of hands was filled with platinum blond hair, pulling the slightly shorter body closer. Kyuhyun slowly ravished Eunhyuk’s mouth drinking enough of it to satisfy his thirst. When he finished he smugly smirked at the look of complete surrender in his hyung’s eyes.

“This better not take long because I don’t think I can keep my hands to myself for much longer.”

“Hmm.” Was the only thing Eunhyuk could say after being swept away from his body with that kiss. His mind was still foggy and blurry when he realized the time. “I have to take the drinks inside, Hae is waiting.”

“Oh right…what did he want? Is he staying for the night?” Kyuhyun said the last part with annoyance; it didn’t make him happy knowing Donghae was all alone in a room with Hyukjae. Things could happen.

“He just wanted to talk and yes he is staying and no you can’t come with me…go sleep.” Standing on his tiptoes –because he was barefoot and therefor no shoe lifts- Eunhyuk sweetly kissed Kyuhyun’s cheek before grabbing the two mugs and move to the entrance. “Good night.”

“Good night.” The other whispered with a pout, crossing his arms and praying for the younger Lee boy to be out of their dorm soon.

*** ***

It was morning. He could feel it by the soft rays of light coming in from the still closed window and from the noise in the dorm. There was water running in one of the bathrooms outside; Kyuhyun pulled the blanket a little higher to cover his head and closed his eyes again, trying hard to grab the sleep that was quickly running away from him.

The door opened slowly and someone stepped inside walking silently and Kyuhyun felt the bed sinking with the weight of someone. He puffed his cheeks out in annoyance, last night he fell asleep really late and he wanted nothing more than to whoever it was that was about to disturb him to go away and vanish, he also cursed the clock that had awoke him five minutes ago.

“Kyuhyunnie,” A hand pulled the blanket down and he felt soft lips kissing his face. It took no more than that gentle brush to make him open his eyes and turn around facing the others smiling face. “Good morning.”

“Morning.” He whispered back, this time not feeling angry at all for being awaken from his sleep. Eunhyuk's forehead pressed against his and they looked inside each other's eyes, they didn't need anything else besides this little private moment to themselves. “I wanna kiss you.”

“Then what are you waiting for?” The dancer asked smirking, one hand moving over Kyuhyun's head brushing the hair out of his eyes.

“Morning breath.” He replied and he could have blushed if it was any other person standing next to him, but it was Eunhyuk his Eunhyuk and beside him he felt he could say anything and do anything that the other would understand and not judge or laugh.

“Oh really? See ya then.” The dancer jumped out of bed and couldn't avoid a smirk when he heard the other was not every day that people saw Cho Kyuhyun whine.

“Ahhh hyung...come back here...”

“Silly.” Was the only thing Eunhyuk said before he pulled their mouths together for a soft touch. There was no tongue, the kiss was slow and innocent. They simply wanted to be together and enjoy their morning greeting. Eunhyuk pulled away first, kissing the top of Kyuhyun's nose before standing to his feet. “Go wash yourself and let's eat, Teukie hyung will be here in an hour to pick us up.”

“Hmm.” Was his only reply while his eyes hungrily watched the dancer step outside his room. He had forgotten they had Inkigayo to film this morning followed by a tight schedule after, he really was feeling tired and overworked but so were his hyungs and their managers...Kyuhyun knew he had to give his best every day.

Lazily he got out of bed; his feet found the sleepers on the floor and he stood up with arms stretching above his head, releasing the muscles. Going through the closet he picked a pair of black jeans together with a white t-shirt and some underwear. The door opened a second time, this time Sungmin trailing inside with his tooth brush hanging out from his mouth and his hands grabbing a wet towel around his neck.

“Oh you're up,” He said and Kyuhyun was still too sleepy to even make fun of his hyung and the pink tooth brush. “Was going to wake you.”

“Hyukkie hyung did that.”

“Ah...” Sungmin replied with a knowing nod; the singer raised an eyebrow at that but again, his brain wasn't functioning one hundred percent yet for him to join this kind of games.

“Yeah...” He said instead. “I'm going to shower.” And with that he left their room going inside the bathroom and turning the water on.

The steam quickly filled the small room, Kyuhyun felt slightly better when the hot water started hitting his back washing away the sleep and laziness. It was quick; he wanted to be done with it and eat something and maybe have time to chat a little with Eunhyuk without the rest of the members by their side.

A white towel surrounded his waist while another one in his hands cleaned the water away from his damp hair. Yesung chose that exact moment to make himself comfortable in the tiny bathroom, his butt pushing Kyuhyun aside so he could look himself in the mirror to fix his hair.

“Hyung I was here first.” He said with a note of annoyance. The other didn't reply ignoring him completely and taking his time. Kyuhyun puffed his cheeks in annoyance, something he learned to do quite well after being around Sungmin too much. He gathered his clothes and walked outside bumping into someone who quickly helped him collect the clothes from the floor.

“Oh hi...morn-morning.” Donghae said in a tiny voice. His eyes were all red and swollen...had he been crying? Was that why he stayed all night with Eunhyuk?

“Morning hyung...ehm is everything ok?”

“Of course why shouldn’t?” There was an uncomfortable silence between them and Kyuhyun wasn't sure why. Donghae had always been one of his favorite hyungs, except when he was all over Eunhyuk, but besides that detail they had always been good friends. Now even though he couldn’t exactly place his finger on the problem he knew there was a very big pink elephant between the two.

“You stayed with Hyukjae all night and your eyes are all red,” Donghae looked embarrassed. “If you don't want to tell me it's ok but...I'm here if you wanna talk.” It took Donghae few seconds to reply, his beam smile back even if only for few instants.

“Thanks Kyu, I got to go dress.” Kyuhyun stayed watching the other go; there was something fishy about his hyung and he intended to find out what exactly.

*** ***

The music was loudly playing in the stereos; its vibes sent vibrations through the dancer's body making him want to jump in the floor and start moving. Eunhyuk didn't do any of that, instead he pulled even closer to the shadow of the nightclub adjusting his white beaning to cover most of his blond hair.

Damn why did it have to be blond? It was so noticeable, easy to spot even miles away. He didn't need a target on his back saying 'hey Eunhyuk from Super Junior is here' it was hard enough trying to avoid being seem by fans, journalists and worse anti-fans he didn't need this to complicate his life even more.

What he didn't get was what the hell was he doing on a Friday night clubbing? It was almost two in the morning and he had to get up at seven, still here he was sitting at a downtown club with a cola between his hands and trying to disappear into the shadows of the wall.

“Hey,” Kyuhyun sat near him, is chair close but not close enough to call people's attention. “You're sure you don't want anything stronger?”

“Kyu you know I don't drink and you shouldn't either, we have to get up early.”

“It's just a beer I'm used to take much more than this.” Eunhyuk frowned and the singer snugged the change to counter-attack. “Why, would you prefer if a single beer was enough to get me wasted so you could take advantage of me?” His hyung blushed crazily and coughed a little using the opportunity to get a cold hand against his cheek. “Hey wanna dance?”


“You wanna go dance? I've improved my skills thanks to your teaching...” Kyuhyun's fingers brushed against Eunhyuk's blond hair that was showing below his ears. “You're a very good teacher hyung, I really like learning from you.”

The seductive invitation was there, lying open and free for everyone to see if they had eyes and ears. Eunhyuk's skin was still the color of strawberries; he took another sip of his cola to refresh his throat and calm down and saw an open hand waiting for his lead.

His fingers brushed softly and in an instant they were holding hands with Eunhyuk pulling the youngest to the dance floor. The bright lights of different colors were perfect to disguise the two idols; the fast music playing changed to a slower one as if challenging them to adventurer a little more...and they did.

Kyuhyun was glad he was taller than his hyung; he liked circling the others' waist tightly pulling him closer, so close in fact that their breaths mixed in the air. He enjoyed sneaking long fingers below Eunhyuk's shirt and feeling the skin hiding beneath, the velvet touch wakening his senses and leaving him was such a high to touch Eunhyuk.

“I'm going crazy because I swear you're just like my drug.” He whispered hotly because his pants were starting to feel really tight, not that he would complain he liked the sensation and even more the outcome of it.

The dancer hugged his lover, hands digging in a mass of brown hair pulling the head lower and lower while his one when higher and higher and that second before their lips touched, that second where they read their real feeling in each other's eyes, where they assured each other of their want and love, was breathtaking.

And they kissed.

Like there was no tomorrow, like they were alone in the world with no one to care for who or where they were. Kyuhyun allowed the other to drown in his mouth, he released the leash and gave control to his hyung. Eunhyuk took it without second thought, his tongue ravishing, taking all it could in one taste.

Retreat, breathe and kiss. Retreat, breathe and kiss. How many times their mouths met? None knew but they were sure it wasn't near enough to satisfy their thirst for one another. The singer opened his eyes in the process wanting to catch every single detail of Eunhyuk's expressions; he loved the way the dancer always closed his eyes when kissing, a slight touch of pink still tainting his cheeks and lips so red and swallowed because of him...'mine!'

They noticed the dance floor was emptier than hours before. Chuckling like two teenagers they grabbed their coats and left the nightclub. It was cold outside; Kyuhyun's arm went around the dancer's back pulling him closer and he felt the presence of a head pressed against his shoulder in return.

Eunhyuk's hand surprised the maknae going around his waist but lower until it was inside his back-pocket. He tried to pretend he didn't enjoy that intimate touch that much but failed miserably when a big smile reached his lips.

“I'm glad you went to get me to Sukira.” They looked at each other still walking down the street. “Even though I'm tired it's a good feeling...if I'm your drug then you are my energy boost.”

“Glad to know that.” The singer replied stealing another kiss. At that moment Eunhyuk's cellphone started to ring. Kyuhyun watched his boyfriend's expression change from happiness to a deep frown after he read the message. He felt the other start distancing himself from him, clearly pushing away. “What's wrong?”

“Nothing.” He was confused. Kyuhyun knew their relationship was stronger than never but still there was something going on with Eunhyuk, he just didn't know what.

“You said the same thing few days ago at the dorm and you also tried to deny it then...but I'm not stupid Hyukjae.” They stopped and Eunhyuk pulled away leaving a grumpy maknae with the sudden emptiness by his side.

“There's nothing wrong Kyuhyun stop trying to find flaws where there are none.”

“I'm not trying to find any flaws, you're the one hiding things from me!”

“I'm not hiding anything from you! Damn it why do you have to analyze everything all the time? Give me some space!” Their voices rose significantly; the two men were facing each other with angry looks and in the singer's case an added stubborn stare. None wanted to give up their glaring battle but after few minutes Eunhyuk let out a sigh and turned his back walking down the street with hands deep inside his pockets.

Kyuhyun hated it. He hated the fact that they had fought for something so petty, so insignificant. He hated that the older had turned his back on him leaving him in the middle of the street all alone and still angry...he hated that Eunhyuk didn't even look once behind to make sure he was following him and he hated himself even more for allowing his heart to hurt at times like this.

Suddenly it seemed too much to take all alone, he was suffocating and he couldn't breathe...he found the electronic device quickly and pressed number two on his speed dial. Someone from the other side picked up after the fourth ring, a sleepy voice answering him and immediately staying alert when the words came out.

“Hey...” A sob broke from under his control but Kyuhyun was fast regaining his posture. “Can you meet me at the coffee shop? I...I really need a friend right now.”
Tags: can you hear my heartbeat..., kyuhyuk
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